If you are visiting this post, and it’s your first time reading about Chase’s accident, you are on THE PART 4 of a series of posts telling the story of Chase’s injury.
Click here for PART 1 Click here for PART 2 Click here for PART 3
November 16th
The first night that Chase was actually coherent and awake in the ICU, our actual second night in the ICU stay, was rough. The nurses, again, were waking him every couple hours, but now that Chase’s directive was to try and get better, mentally and physically, he was determined to do just that.
The way the hospital room was situated made it a little difficult for Chase to wake me without having to scream my name pretty loudly. His giant hospital bed, and all the wires, tubes, and monitors he was connected to were facing the door in the front of the room that opened to the hallway where the nurses would come in and out. This all blocked my view of the hallway and his body entirely from the tiny “couch bed” in the back of the room that I called home for our stay. I wouldn’t say the “couch bed” was the most uncomfortable piece of furniture I’ve ever slept on, but it wasn’t a memory foam mattress either. Every time he would need to stand up, needed water, or my help in any way, he would pretty loudly call my name, and it would jolt me up from sleep in a near panic, wondering what was going on. Even though, in my conscious state of mind, I knew he just needed help with getting up or getting water, my semi-conscious, sleepy brain always thought something was wrong. This, of course, would restart my heart every time.
Chase persevered through that whole first night, really trying as hard as he could to get up every two hours, and not stay sedentary for too long. He took the Neurosurgeon’s word to heart, and really was trying to make himself better.
Amidst the constant state of being awoken in an unnecessary panic, I was thinking about sweet Kennedy. She was at my mom’s house, being taken care of by my sister Morgan, who had recently graduated college and hadn’t secured a job just yet. Sometimes, I wonder if God had planned it that way, and that she wasn’t presented with a job opportunity before Chase’s injury because He knew we were going to need her. We were so lucky to have her to take care of Kennedy in this crucial time. I truly don’t know how I would’ve gotten by without my parents and sister, taking care of Kennedy and supporting us when we needed them most.
I was having to pump every six hours, in addition to the rest of the chaos, because at this point in time I was still nursing Kennedy. The nurses were SO SWEET about helping me store my breast milk till I could get it to Kennedy. They had a special place in their fridge that I could keep it till the morning when I went to bring it to my mom’s house. I was trying my best to balance mom duties, and wifely duties the best that I could. And it was hard.
People ask me how I was able to keep it all under control and how I was able to keep everything on schedule and honestly, I’m not sure I have the best answer for it. I tell them, I just literally lived hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second at times, because that’s the only way I could function. I tended to the most immediate needs right at that moment and went from there. I had no plan. It was, literally who needs me, and what can I do for them.
After getting up with Chase all night, and pumping twice, I was TIRED. When Chase woke up from his “sleep”, (the nurses let him sleep for four hours this last shift because he was exhausted) he was hungry and cranky. I took this as a good sign! He was actually returning to himself. He wanted to eat, and watch T.V. and really wanted OUT of that hospital bed. I took this chance to go and visit Kennedy at my mom’s house. I brought them all the breast milk I had stocked up, and held my baby close! I was crazy how much I craved being with her. I missed snuggling her, holding her and just being with her. Through all of the crazy, this was one of the most challenging parts of Chase’s entire injury.
Not being with Kennedy in this time of her life where she needed me most was really heartbreaking for me. The idea that my baby would wake up, and I wouldn’t be there to comfort her, or tell her it was going to be okay when she cried, broke me. I was TORN. My heart wanted to be in two places at one time. I wanted to be with Chase at the hospital at his bedside supporting his efforts to get better, but I also wanted to be with Kennedy, holding her and taking care of her like a mom should do.
So instead of leaving her at home with my mom or sister this time, I brought her to the hospital with me for the day. Before you scold me, and tell me how terrible of an idea it is to bring a newborn to the ICU, I already understood the risks I was taking by bringing her there. But I wasn’t the only one who was being deprived of this special time with my newborn baby. Chase was too. When I was with him, he would ask about her constantly, and tell me how much he was missing her. He needed her just as much as I did and I wasn’t going to deny him that time with his baby that he needed.
November 17th 2018
After Kennedy’s visit, through the night and into the next day, Chase seemed to take leaps and bounds in the right direction. He was actually able to get some sleep, as the Neurosurgeon let the nurses only wake him twice the whole night rather than every two hours. I think this was the rest he truly needed because the next day, he was up and walking, eating regularly, and his CT scans showed no signs of new growth of the bleed, so we were discharged from the ICU and moved to the West Wing! It all happened pretty fast, but we were so ready for this news when we got it. This meant we were that much closer to being able to go home, and that everything looked like it was going in a positive direction.
-Kayla
