Motherhood in Quarantine Series – Bethany Wagreich – Cincinnati, Ohio

Welcome back to the Motherhood in Quarantine Series!  This is the fourth post in a series all about being a mother in quarantine!

 Click here for post 1 by Kayla Tucker from San Diego, California!

Click here for post 2 by Jenna Hammer from Baltimore, Maryland!

Click here for post 3 by Lindsay Johnson from Riverside, California!

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I’ll start by painting a little picture for you on what a whirlwind this has been. On Wednesday, March 11 (that seems so far away and yet like it was just yesterday), the principal in the elementary school I work in held a mandatory staff meeting. At this meeting she encouraged us all to start thinking about materials and activities we could send home with our students or provide virtually as closures were being discussed. I was dumbstruck. I’m not great about following the news and I was right in the middle of a really busy IEP season at work so I was totally in the dark on the intensity of the COVID situation. Fast-forward to the next day where the Governor of Ohio announced a three week mandatory school closures for the entire state. The ball started rolling fast – gathering materials, touching base one last time with teachers, and giving the office one last check. I left school that Friday thinking I’d be back in four weeks (three weeks took us to our spring break so we were technically getting 4 weeks off). I was nervous about all the unknowns of what “distance learning” would look like but, to be completely honest, I was excited…

Getting to know you…

OK, so now that you know where my head was at in the beginning let me introduce myself! Hi, hello! I’m Bethany (36) and I live in Maineville, Ohio – a suburb just north of Cincinnati – with my husband, three and a half year old son, Ivan and our 14 month old twins, Miriam and Joanna. We’ve lived in our house for almost a year, so tons of projects we’d love to get done, but it’s damn near impossible to get things done between both my husband and I trying to work full time and take care of the kids because daycare is closed. We luckily live about seven minutes away from my parents and they have continued to watch our kids on the days they normally would – giving us the opportunity to work from their home a few days a week.  

We are fortunate to live within walking distance of a park and some walking paths. We can’t enjoy the full perks of the park but it’s helpful to get out beyond our backyard. The weather is improving and I’m hoarding outdoor play equipment and activities like it’s my second job. As the weather improves all the kids want to do is get outside which is what I’d expect this time of year.

Ch-ch-changes

As an adult in this situation, I feel like the changes haven’t been that drastic for our family. We only moved to the Cincinnati area about a year and a half ago, I was pregnant when we moved here and once the girls were born we didn’t get to invest much time in our social lives. We were looking forward to finally putting effort into getting together with the few acquaintances we have so it’s been disappointing to feel like it will be even longer before we feel like we have friends here. I don’t think the girls are very impacted by the changes. At a glance, Ivan seems like his usual happy, curious, observant, funny self. He loves having my husband and I home a bit more but the longer we are in this situation, the more I see the effects on him. He slowly started mentioning his friends from school, he asks about wearing masks all the time, and his behavior has been much more erratic, particularly as it relates to his sisters. I feel for him. He is accustomed to getting two days away from the girls, but now they are always with him (except for naps). And they LOVE him and want everything he has and want to do everything he does. From my perspective it’s adorable. But for Ivan, I can only imagine how frustrating it is. So he lashes out. And I get it. My heart hurts for him some days.

Prior to all this, I worked five days a week as an SLP in a nearby school district and my husband worked 4 days a week. Our kids would go to daycare twice a week and spend two days with my parents and one day with my husband and mom. When the schools shut down, and it looked like more things would be closing we decided to keep the set up with my parents so that we could have some time away from the kids to actually get things done. It has been crucial for my sanity and finding any sense of work-life balance. The layout of our kids’ days haven’t changed much – just who is home has been altered.

We typically all have breakfast together and then one or both my husband and I “go to work”. The kids play together…well, they try to – it often ends in screaming, crying and handing out separate toys for everyone to play with by themselves! The girls still take a morning nap which gives one or both of us some one on one time with Ivan. Having this time with Ivan is one of the silver linings in this whole thing. I will forever treasure the time we have spent together! When the girls wake up we often take a walk or more playing until lunch time. After lunch a bit more playing before everyone goes down for a nap or quiet time. I typically use that time to myself to quickly clean up from lunch and then sit down and relax for a bit. I’ve set a reading goal for the year so I try to be intentional with that time and often end up reading. Once the kids wake we typically take another walk before playing outside (weather permitting) before dinner.

As I mentioned at the beginning of all this, when the schools shut down, I was excited. I enjoy my job, I do! But there is a reason almost everyone I know who has or at one point had three small kids, works part time or less! It has been a rough school year – and I was ready to be done! Heading to my parents’ house to work three days a week gives me the illusion of working part time and it’s a good fit for me! Fitting a full time job into three days is not ideal and I’m working in the evenings so much more than I used to (which was already more than I prefer). But having this extra time with my kids is everything I’ve ever wanted. I’d love to get my work life a bit more balanced and organized but I’m in no rush to give up this time with my kids! My husband and I are also so grateful to have jobs at all right now, so if that means working from home and some extra late nights, it’s worth it – they are only little for so long and it’s not long enough in my opinion!

Before and After

Before the shut down, our daughter was scheduled to have ear tubes placed and that procedure was cancelled. We were able to reschedule it very recently and having to go through a whole screening process and getting our temperature taken was bizarre. Our other daughter had her tubes placed just before the shut down and comparing the two experiences has been an interesting way to capture this time. With our first, we walked right into the hospital, answered the basic pre-op questions and while we waited for her to go in we were playing, laughing, and  making faces at one another. This time around we were screened upon entering the hospital, Mim had to have COVID testing completed (not pleasant and hard to watch), and we wore masks the entire time which Mim turned into a game, trying to pull them off our faces. 

I know there is probably quite a ways to go before all this is truly over but I’ve already got mixed feelings about it. While I miss going to Target almost weekly and I miss my students; I have loved this time with my kids, I’ve enjoyed these slow days and not feeling pressure that we should be getting out of the house. As I write this, things are beginning to open up. Most notable to me is the opening up of retail stores. Shopping is such a normal, fun activity for me and yet now, it brings on a lot of anxiety – I want to do it, but question the necessity of every outing. I’m eager to get back to “normal” and struggle with the reality of how long it will likely last. So I continue to focus on my kids, being safe myself and keeping my family and those around me safe.

If you can’t tell, I’ve really tried to focus the bulk of my energy on how lucky I am to have this extra time with my kids and to still be employed and not having to stress about where our next paycheck is coming from – what a gift! Finding those silver linings and being grateful for them has helped me keep perspective throughout this whole thing. I’ve also been trying to take more photos because (hopefully) this is a once in a lifetime experience and that should be documented. Find those silver linings, focus on the positives and just hang in there – some days that’s all you can do; and that is more than OK.

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Check out Bethany on Instagram here!